Facing Fears

Within each of us are fears. Fears whether simple as spiders and mice; or complex, deep insecurities. These fears can shape our worlds and dictate our actions. Fear controls.

All through my growing up years I have feared snakes. I think, for most people, snakes are not favorite animals, but for whatever reason I have always greatly feared them. This was further enforced by my dear brother tormenting me with rubber snakes. I recall playing outside in the yard and finding a snake around some rocks. I ran away, scared. For years to come I would avoid those rocks, remembering that snake and never wanting to see it again. To this day I have an irrational fear of snakes and many times it can control me even in small ways.

As a child I was extremely shy. I was afraid of meeting people; afraid of embarressment; afraid of attention all directed upon myself. I recall a birthday party I was attending. I do not remember why but at one point everyone was laughing at me. I was hulmiliated and ran to the bathroom for what seemed like hours before I dared to come out. I was overly sensative and insecure. I was fearful. This shyness dictated what I did and did not dare to do, where I went and what activities I took part in. For the most part I was a happy child but at times I really struggled with myself for being so quiet and shy.

One day in high school a pastor of the school invited me to a leadership retreat. I was shocked that he would ask me! Me! Little shy Lorrie who quietly went on her way without making waves. In that moment and through that experience, the view which I held for myself changed forever. I was challenged to do things which I never thought I was literally capable of doing. I had to face my fear. I praise the Lord for putting people in my life, like that pastor, who caused me to reflect on what I am capable of doing with the Lord. I saw him yesterday and that brought this experience to mind.

2 Timothy 1: 7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

Fear is not from the Lord. God would not have His children afraid.

Instead of fear we are to have power. Power is ability; ability to do that which will honor Him. We should not be fearful of failure in any venture which honors the Lord as He promises us the power to accomplish whatever He may ask of us.

Instead of fear, we are to have love. When one loves someone, no sacrifice is too great, no venture is too much. Love gives. A spirit of giving is what we are to have. When we fear we cling to what we have. With love, we willingly give up what we have.

Lastly, instead of fear we are to have a sound mind. Soundness is security and health. With fear we are insecure and our body is in an unhealthy state. Soundness is peace, contentment and satisfaction.

This verse still challenge me. We all have weaknesses and fear is one of mine. But I praise the Lord for experiences I can look back upon and remember how God blessed my steps of faith, though done in fear and trembling. I pray that I will never stop taking those steps in to unknown territory that I may rejoice in the Lord for ever new and fresh victories. That I may be powerful, loving, and of a sound mind.

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I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud by William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the milky way,

They stretched in never-ending line

Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:

A poet could not but be gay,

In such a jocund company:

I gazed---and gazed---but little thought

What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

This is one of my favorite poems and it was brought to mind when gazing out my window upon the bunches of daffodills growing around campus. I love spring!

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Post-Valentine's Day Musings

I told Jackie that I would post a Valentine's day blog. However, I neglected to write that Valentine's day blog. I find myself this afternoon in quietness and solitude so I will try to type my thoughts about that auspicious day.

Valentine's day brings thoughts to me of teddy bears, roses, and chocolate. But what does that have to do with love? These things can be expressions of love for sure. But of themselves they are not love. A dozen roses can be an empty gesture without accompanying affection. Love is not in things.

When I was a child my mother would buy paper doilies. At a table of construction paper, glue, markers and glitter I would work hard to cut these doilies in to pretty designs and with the other supplies I would decorate large paper hearts. I would give these hearts to my parents and grandparents with written "I love you" and such messages on them. I am sure these glue-laden and often messy valentine's were treasures to my parents. In them was seen the earnest work and affection of their child.

As I have grown older and hopefully wiser, I can look back at "lost loves" and see the problem with those experiences. There was no earnest childish effort to show love. There was an earnest effort to gain love and warm feelings. As a child my only design when giving my glue-valentines was to show my parents I loved them. I didn't want them to do anything for me. It was a gift to them, nothing else. As I grew older I lost sight of that innocence. I wanted and expected love in return for myself. I would find myself empty, disappointed and broken

Love is a gift. It is meant to given. In every human heart is the capacity to love, to give of oneself. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails," 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a. Love is modest, simple, positive and steadfast. I am realizing that love is never about changing anyone else. It is not about what I gain. Love is not about the feelings received. Love is selfless. To sincerely say "I love you" with the deepest meaning is to mean that "I would do anything for you." Truly the greatest expression of love came with Jesus giving His life. Love is cheapened today down to the level of "I love doritos." Love is not understood at all. No wonder so many "I love you till death doest part" ends in divorce. The commitment of love is lost.

Love is commitment. A parent who loves their child is committed to their child no matter what that child does for as long as they live. Their loyalty to their child will not end. True love means a lasting commitment for the good of a person.

The depth of love is endless. The facets of love surely knows no bounds. Two loving people in a marriage relationship seems like the most beautiful picture ever - selflessly loving and being selflessly loved in return.

And yet, to truly love seems to also truly know sorrow. Inevitably, you will not always be loved in return. The child will disappoint. The spouse will hurt. The friend will not care in return. Jesus is the only human being to truly love and he is called "a man of sorrows," (Isaiah 53:3). His earthly life was filled with being misunderstood and rejection. But He loved with a depth and passion that we little understand. (But we should seek to understand)

I have no conclusions on love but that I want to love more. Should the Lord will, I want to love my husband selflessly and sacrificially. I want to be dedicated and loyal to my friends and family. And I want to know the Lord more that I may grow in to His character. I want to return to the attitude of myself as a child laboring over the glue and glitter to create a treasure to present to my father to say, "Look Dad at how much I love you!" I want my life to show those around me, "Look! I love you!" and above all I want to show my Heavenly Father, "Look, my life shows I love You!"

I enjoy hearts and roses just as much as anyone. I think it is wonderful that there is a day every February 14th where the focus is on relationships and showing others how much you care. I just pray that in all the obligation and shows of affection given, that true love may be sprinkled amongst them. That God may be revealed in our hearts all year long.



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Winners

I enjoy the Olympics. I especially like figure skating and have been watching what I can when I am not working. During that time I have also seen some bits of snowboarding, luge and skiing. It's fun to watch these sports that usually I am not interested in. The Olympics are so intense. With most of these sports if a blade slips, if your balance is slightly off, if you are distracted for just a moment, your dreams are sunk. You fall, go out of control or otherwise mess up. In most of these sports, months of practice, years of hard work, can be seemingly ruined by just a split second of time. You mess up and there goes the gold. There goes the notoriety. There goes success. It seems like so much pressure! In the grand scheme, there are few winners at the Olympics. Most of the participants go home without medals. Most of the participants are not really noticed. Just the few high-profile athletes are watched and interviewed. Those who are contending for a medal get most of the attention. Many of the athletes who participate in the Olympics are just names that are announced and then forgotten by those watching.

Paul uses language in Philippians which could be compared to a race. "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus," Philippians 3:13-14. But the great thing about this journey, this race we are in, is that we are not unnoticed. And we all get the prize. In Revelation 3:21 the Bible says, "To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne." Everyone is a winner who overcomes. How wonderful that this Christian life is not a competition. It is a journey. And all who are striving forward are winners.

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Skiing

Have you ever noticed how certain people will motivate you to do almost anything? I have always been interested in skiing, but having never gone as a child, I have been too embarressed to try something new like that for fear of hulmiliation. Through the years I have had several invitations to go skiing but I have always turned them down. Inside I wanted to accept these invitations but my pride would rise and I would refuse to go. Even my closest friends have tried to get me to go skiing but I would not go.

Last week my boyfriend invited me to go skiing with him and some friends. And guess what, I actually went! There was just something about him that persuaded me to swallow my pride and go along. It helped that he had only gone skiing once himself so I wasn't as intimidated. We were able to hilmiliate ourselves together. I did not do so great. I couldn't master the art of stopping so I was falling all over the place and am still extremely sore. But I am very glad that I finally went skiing.

Some people are particularly good at motivating us. There are some people in our lives that we really want to please and we really want to do things for.

Is God one of those? Will we do for God what we will not for anyone else? If He asks us to do something will we do it no matter the consequences? Is God a motivation in your life? I was willing to risk embarressment and make myself vulnerable by showing Charlie what a horrible skiier I am...am I willing to risk embarressment and be vulnerable for the Lord? Are you?

The End of an Era

My beloved cat Thumbs has passed away at the ripe old age of 16. He is predeceased by his brother Scamper and survived by many loving family members. Thumbs came in to my life as a small kitten when I was 6 years old. I had always wanted a cat and my grandparents brought back to my brother and I two adorable kittens. I l loved both Thumbs and Scamper but Thumbs had a special place in my heart. I would hold him like a baby and throughout his whole life I was the only one who could hold him like that. Thumbs was very adventurous. He was an indoor cat but would always try to sneak outside. He loved to eat grass and explore anything he could get in. He was always a plumper cat that Scamper but the last year or so he had gotten terribly skinny. I will miss Thumbs. He was the cat of my childhood. He was my friend, a very special cat.

What to say....

I need to write a blog. It has been awhile.