Christmas Tree Thoughts

A family Christmas tree set up anew each year. White lights, pine smell, brings life to the room. 

Decorations speak of the family living here. Interests, hobbies, and life events are recorded amongst the limbs. 

A wedding from seeming so long ago. Young faces, beautiful cake. 25 years later, so much and so fast. 

A boy is evidenced. A train, comic characters, all declare a little boy. Absence of later years speak of absence more far-reaching. Grown up and living far away. He's here this year. Fondness touches that which he used to cherish. 

A little girl in girlish charm is seen all around. Cats and angels, snowflakes and dolls. Christmas is her favorite time. A young woman now puts up these charms in sentimental care. Holding to what she knows, keeping them in her sight. The future stands with open arms, yet she looks back with heavy heart. 

A trumpet, a cross, kindergarten crafts, beautiful gifts and treasures hang amongst the needles. As if to soften their likely prick. 

What is this Christmas tree we always take pains to search for, cut down and drag home? Set up. Is it straight? Untangle the lights and perhaps buy new. Search for the blown out bulb. Keep the water supplied. Is it just a tradition? Some would say so. 

For the once little girl it is very special. Memories of carefree days. Family together, sharing memories, making new. The years are now becoming different, the worries different than what they once were. Next year perhaps there will be an ornament to remember this year. Put up with tender thought. What will it tell of and where will we be?

My Family

I belong to a small family. I have one older brother. I have one uncle. I have no first cousins. I have a bunch of great aunts but I never see them. And there is more extended family out there but again, I never see them. However, I am so blessed with the closeness of my immediate family.

If I were to describe my father the first word which pops in to my head is faithful. My dad is a faithful man in everything which he does. He is calm and he is responsible. My dad is a man of a routine. He is like clockwork. One of the ways which this routine has affected me is seeing the consistency of his spiritual life. The first thing he does when he gets out of bed every morning is kneel to pray. After he does his lesson, he kneels to pray. Whenever he visits the church during the week, before he leaves, he goes in to the sanctuary to kneel and pray. I cannot express what an impression that made to me as I was growing up. My dad is a consistent man. I have never seen him angry. He is calm and rational. He is a peace-maker. And he also has a very unique sense of humor. I get my even-keel temperament from my dad.

My mother is a loving woman. She is one of my best friends. We can talk for hours. She and my interests are much alike. We love history, stories, and studying people. The frustrations I have had in college, she had when she was my age as well. She is close to her parents and is sentimental. She loves to read and would prefer this with a cat on her lap. I share that opinion. My mother wants the best for me and she has absolute faith in my abilities. That faith in me has been a motivator at key points in my life.

I absolutely love my brother. Growing up he was my defender and my protector. As we hit the teenage years we became much more expressive of our care toward each other. My brother knows me in a way which no other person on this earth knows me. I find it awesome that usually the longest human relationship one has during their lives is usually a sibling. I will be very content if my brother and I get to share that experience. My brother is an eccentric individual. He is the most open-minded person I know. He is accepting and tolerant. And man, he is smart. He graduated from college Summa Cum Laude. He would make a good diplomat and who knows, he may be that someday. One of my grandma's favorite stories of my brother and I when we were little goes like this: My brother was probably 5 or so and was sitting on the step of their house. I would have been about 3. Apparently we had some sort of disagreement and I went over to my brother and said something along these lines, "Roger, you know I love. I'm going to marry you some day!"

My mother's parents are part of my being. I've lived down the road from them my whole life. Being home includes being with them. My grandmother is the most beautiful woman I know. I love her positive outlook on life and her ability to laugh at problems. She is strong: physically and mentally. I have spent many hours sitting and talking to her. It pains me to see her and my grandfather getting older. Growing up their home was filled with delight and warmth. And food. She is the most amazing cook I have ever known. My grandfather spoiled my brother and I tremendously when we were small. He is one of the most ingenuous people I have ever met. They both love animals and nature. Again, it makes me very sad to see the effects of age on their abilities. I have often wished I could go back in time and see them at my age. Part of my love of history comes from the love of wanting to see what life was experienced during the time of my older relatives.

My father's mother is a character. She has been a widow for at least 30 years. Trips to her house were always filled with food, shopping, and enjoyment. She loves baseball and used to golf. My father and her have a Yankees- Red Sox rivalry which is highly amusing. She, like my father, is a consistent, faithful individual. She has looked after my uncle who has mental problems for over 40 years. She is tremendously generous. I think she would do anything for us if she could. She is so proud of my brother and I.


I was thinking about my family today. It seems that we are much more quick to be angry, short, rude and resentful towards members of our family than anyone else. Why this is, I'm not sure. Probably because we figure that they have to love us. However, our families have created us to be who we are. They sustain us. They are our support. Therefore I wanted to write this blog about the good qualities of my close family. I don't want to immediately think of what irritates me when I think of any of them- I want to first think of what wonderful people they are and how much they have done for me. They have given me everything. If I can remember that, then everything else will fall in to perspective.

(images: http://or.ucr.edu/images/pictures/centers/FamilyStudies.jpg, http://www.donnabellas.com/image2/family/daddy-girl-brunette.jpg, http://www.prescriptiondrugalternative.com/images/Headings/baby_mom.jpg, http://www.olga-art.info/gal/fineart/Brother%20and%20sister.jpg,
http://fatihiraz.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/0512171356395thankful_prayer.jpg )

People are like Umbrellas :)

It is a rainy, drizzly day. Thankfully I had checked the weather forecast this morning and grabbed an umbrella on my way out the door. Not 15 minutes later the rain started and has not stopped as of yet.

My umbrella is a cute umbrella. It is powder blue and has little cats and dogs all over it. (It's raining cats and dogs! ha..ha..) My grandma got it free from the Humane Society and gave it to me. However, like most free things, it is lacking in quality. The fabric on at least two of the ends of the umbrella had ripped before this morning As I was walking home for lunch the wind started gusting and my umbrella became almost more of a hassle than a shelter as it flipped inside out and I was gripping it tightly lest it fly away. It now has a few other ends ripped and looks like a mishapped pity of an umbrella.

I couldn't help but notice some of the umbrellas around me passing as I went to and from class. Some were brightly colored. Some were massive. Some were obviously older. Some were shiny and new. Some were designer. Some were probably from a thrift store. Some even were several layers of material. As I crossed the road toward my apartment a friend walked up and I couldn't help but feel a little chagrined over the state of my sad umbrella next to his massive, very refined, high-quality umbrella. My broken powder blue cats and dogs looked very silly.

People are like umbrellas. We're all shapes and sizes. We come from all different places. Like my poor umbrella, some of us need some mending of tears in our lives. Some of us may even need new parts. Some of us are getting our heads wet in rains of trial. Some of us are sheltered from the rain and toasty warm. Some of us may even be fighting to hang on as the storms are threatening to turn us inside out. Some of us may think we're just plain and not very exciting. Some of us are sporting shiny designs but perhaps hiding the emptiness inside. Some are guarding a happy heart that is splashing with joy through the puddles (that's who I want to be :) )

Umbrellas are always held. They do no good if they are not opened and held up. So are we held in Christ's hands. He has control over our lives. We may fancy we're holding on to our own lives but one fierce storm will whip the control from our weak hands. We would do better to let go of our umbrellas, our lives, and walk next to Christ and He can hold our lives for us. :)

There are dozens of analogies between us and umbrellas but I must hasten to mention that there is at least one important detail which does not make us entirely like umbrellas. When I left for work today I left my poor powder blue cats and dogs at home and grabbed my roommate's more robust umbrella for the walk to work. Christ never trades us in. We are not disposable in His sight. He will mend us. He will perfect us. He will never let us go.

The Bible doesn't say anything about umbrellas, but it has something to say about clay...

"O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the LORD. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel." - Jeremiah 18:6

"Woe to him who strives with him who formed him, a pot among earthen pots! Does the clay say to him who forms it, 'What are you making?' or 'Your work has no handles'?"- Isaiah 45:9

Don't hang on, let go and let God form you as He wills. Let yourself be clay (or an umbrella) in His hands. :)



(images: http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/IMCcard/KD6061%7ERaining-Cats-Dogs-Posters.jpg, http://www.microdrainage.co.uk/mdimages/mdimage_pg1.jpg)

Struggle to grow

Whenever I write a blog I want to have something to say. I want to have had an experience or a thought that I have developed and attempt to write eloquently to get my concept across. Therefore my posts are rarely spontaneous and while, yes they are me; they are a refined me. The me that I want everyone to see and know. The me that spends time planning things and consciously thinks about how she is viewing life.

Then there is another me. The me-in-the moment that often is not seen. The me that reacts to things. The me that hangs up the phone with a heavy heart when her mother tells her that her grandmother is in the hospital. The me whose heart sinks with the realization of the stress of home which she is not part of.

My grandmother is in the hospital. But there is more to the story. My mother was in the hospital last week and had surgery that was more complicated than expected. She had 13 staples removed yesterday. My grandmother thought she had the flu but when she went to the doctor it was found that she has some sort of pervasive infection and is being hospitalized. This is distressing, yes. Who wants their family member in the hospital? But the implications of my grandmother being in the hospital are what bother me. My grandfather is very dependent. He has dementia resulting in short-term memory loss. He's isn't out of control or anything. He is forgetful. This means that my grandmother monitors his diet, tests his blood routinely (diabetes), gives him his various pills and in general keeps an eye out for him. He will probably forget that she is in the hospital and wonder where she is. My mother will have to look after him. My mother who is recovering from surgery and needs to be taken care of herself. I don't know if this means she will sleep at their house or what they will do. My mother is wonderful, however, when my mother gets stressed she becomes difficult to live with and often unreasonable. Ugh. I perfectly understand.....it's just hard. And then my grandmother. My sweet grandmother. Oh, how I love her. I hate seeing her becoming more dependent herself. How frustrated I know she must be. Then there is my father. Calm and collected Dad whom I have never seen angry or rude in my life. He will be the chauffeur and pitch in where he can. He is the mediator. The reasonable, reliable one who is often taken for granted and unappreciated. Oh Dad. I appreciate you.

But in this whole situation there is always sunshine to be seen. There are always lessons to be learned. There are always opportunities. I believe that with every part of my being.Satan wants us to get so focused on the negative that we can't see the sun rays breaking through. Trials are certainly a reminder that this world is not our home. There are no hospitals in the New Jerusalem.

Without struggle there is no growth. If the plant never struggled it would stay in its happy little seed in the dark earth. Without struggle the leaves can't spread, the color can't deepen and the roots are not fed. To receive nutrients you have to endure the rain. And it's not coincidence that plants turn their faces to the sun.

So I don't know how this will all turn out. I feel bad not being at home. I want to be there to help, to make it all go smoother. It's difficult to realize my life path is going in a different direction. Meaning my focus is not pointed toward home anymore. My life focus is outward to wherever my own home will become. That's growth too I suppose.

So my heart is heavy for home. My concern and thoughts are focused there. I anticipate a very difficult time the next few days. And I wish I could be more of a help. I want to help bear the burden. But in the mean time I will pray, call my grandma and encourage my parents.

And turn my face toward the Son.

(images: http://pocketchange.become.com/images/charlie-sigh-769156.jpg, http://www.syspro.com.au/img/grow.jpg, http://radiantlifeministries.org/images/in_jesus_arms.jpg)

Quote of the Day

"If that's not the work of the Holy Spirit, I'll eat my hat!"

~ Dr. Jack Blanco

(image: http://www.adventistbookcenter.com/Author_Info/Small_Photos/Blanco_Jack.jpg)

Autopilot

Do you ever have those moments where you realize that you have no idea what you're actually doing? When you're performing a task that is so routine and suddenly your realize that you totally were not thinking? That just happened to me. I am here at work and the phone rang....I reached for it unconsciously and started talking...what I meant to say was,

"Library media center, this is Lorrie"

but what happened was..

"Library media..." and I drew a blank. I couldn't find my next word. There was this awkward moment that seemed to stretch a long time where my mind was frantically trying to catch up with my actions to process what I was doing and to continue my sentence...

"center! Library media center, this is Lorrie" I finally blurted out.

Thankfully the call was not overly significant. "Wake up, Lorrie!" I mentally told myself as I hung up the phone. "Are you living today or are you just existing in la la land?" I'm trying to actually start living for the rest of today!

Are you living today? Or are you just alive today?

Lessons from Dr. Blanco

"And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her Seed; He shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise His heel.” ~ Genesis 3:15

Something I'd never really noticed was how God says "I will put enmity..." What would have happened after Adam and Eve had sinned if God didn't put that enmity between humans and Satan?

Great Controversy enlightens in chapter 30...

"God declares: "I will put enmity." This enmity is not naturally entertained. There exists naturally no enmity between sinful man and the originator of sin. Both became evil through apostasy. Had not God specially interposed, Satan and man would have entered into an alliance against Heaven; and instead of cherishing enmity against Satan, the whole human family would have been united in opposition to God. Satan tempted man to sin, as he had caused angels to rebel, that he might thus secure co-operation in his warfare against Heaven. But when Satan heard the declaration that enmity should exist between himself and the woman, and between his seed and her seed, he knew that his efforts to deprave human nature would be interrupted; that by some means man was to be enabled to resist his power."

"It is the grace that Christ implants in the soul which creates in man enmity against Satan. Without this converting grace and renewing power, man would continue the captive of Satan, a servant ever ready to do his bidding. But the new principle in the soul creates conflict where hitherto had been peace. The power which Christ imparts enables man to resist the tyrant and usurper. Whoever is seen to abhor sin instead of loving it, whoever resists and conquers those passions that have held sway within, displays the operation of a principle wholly from above."

What happened when Adam and Eve fell is that their power of choice was taken away from them. Without God's grace we would be mindless servants of Satan. In fact we would be warring against Heaven! Scary thought, huh? What is so fascinating is that as soon as Adam and Eve sinned, Jesus stepped up and immediately took responsibility for the action of sin that grace might be administered. (Genesis 3:15 is the first prophecy of the Messiah to come.) The enmity placed between humans and Satan is the power of choice being reinstated. While our character is now sinful instead of perfect as Adam and Eve's that choice against evil is still ours'. It's a second chance. Isn't God good?



(images: http://www.mts.net/%7Ewarreno/eden.jpg, http://healmenow.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/grace3.jpg)