On Marriage

I have been wanting to write a post on marriage yet it is hard to gather all my thoughts. So to preface this: these are my thoughts. I am not an authority as we have been married -hard to believe- about 11 months. But in this past year I have come to realize many things about marriage and desire to share what I have learned; in the hope that perhaps it may bless someone.

We all have expectations when we are getting married or are looking forward to marriage in the future. Expectations are not always bad but they are so often unrealistic. The world we live in pushes upon little girls from the age of 2 to expect a fairy tale. We often feel entitled to a certain experience.

I remember not long after we got married, Charlie and I both turned to a each other and said, "I thought this would be easier!" We weren't expressing regret or disappointment but the honest thought that we would somehow simply mesh and everything be smooth. But it was not always easy.  We would argue over the most stupid things.  We realized how incredibly selfish we are!

A friend of ours gave us a book for a wedding present (which I highly recommend: "For Better or For Best" by Tim and Alane Waters). It's a very good book for any couple, young or old. But the line that burned in to my memory was this: "Becoming one does not mean losing your identity, it means losing your selfishness." When we got married Charlie and I committed to each other. We said, "I will love you no matter what." That means: when you do things I do not like. When you hold opinions that I may not agree with. When I do not understand what on earth you are talking about. When you get held up for an hour. When life does not happen the way I would want it to!! We committed that in the midst of any conflict, the love we have for each other will not change- it is a constant. It does not depend on each others performance. It does not depend on the circumstances. That is a marriage vow. We committed to being unselfish.


(Note: obviously you don't commit this lightly. Single people, take heed. Know who you are marrying.)

And you know, I see how marriages break up- because we are naturally selfish.  Because we don't understand what commitment is. Because I want what I want rather than what is better for our marriage or the other person. It is not easy. In fact, it seems to be it is impossible without the Lord. Even couples who do have a great marriage and don't seem to have a faith profession, it is still because of the grace of God.

This is why we as Christians need to be committed to God first and marry solid believers. The greatest comfort I have is this: when things are not going great, I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband is praying for me, our marriage and for understanding. And I am as well. And the Lord who we are both praying to, will bring us to unity. He will soften our hearts. He will help us to be humble. Because the fact is, we cannot handle our stubborn pride with out Him. It would be our ruin. I cannot imagine marriage without the Lord in it.

Intimacy is not just a physical expression. In fact, you can be physical without being intimate. Intimacy is an intentional opening of your heart and receiving an other's heart. Intimacy cannot be achieved where there is not respect, where there is not affection and where there is not vulnerability. Intimacy also cannot be achieved if a person is intentionally holding back his thoughts or feelings.  And if I am thinking I am better than Charlie or if my opinion holds more weight than his, intimacy is impossible. To truly love, is to be emptied of self. It is a high calling. It is an incredible thought.

"Love is patient, love is kind...," the Bible says. Those beautiful qualities found in 1 Corinthians 13 are the recipe for a monumental marriage; it is a relationship that would radiate. We have all seen couples who have a particularly sweet marriage. There is gentleness in their words to each other. There is a tender affection expressed. There is that smile for each other that makes the onlooker turn away as if they are seeing a private moment. That is a godly marriage. It has been blessed by the spirit of God in the hearts of the couple. That is the marriage I want.

Charlie and I certainly have not arrived but I have a hope because I can see how we have grown already. That as long as we keep apologizing; that as long as we stay humble; that as long as we intentionally set aside quality time; that as long as we can laugh at ourselves, God can keep working. He can make us patient, kind, and gentle. He can make us into a shining witness of His grace! That is my desire!

Now don't get me wrong- Marriage is a challenge but it is also a joy! It is not always difficult, in fact, sometimes it is very easy! We have made some wonderful memories this past year! We have shared some special times. Marriage is great!! Always having a friend. Always a partner. Always a shoulder. Always sharing memories. Always someone to spoil. Always a listening ear. Always having a home. Always someone there....as long as we both shall live.

Brides and Grooms

Weddings have been on my mind very frequently lately, as you can expect! Constantly my thoughts are on preparations, plans, concerns, and details. My appearance for "the day", our home, money, so much to consider!!! So when I realize that I have to share a story/thought in church tomorrow I decided to look up "brides" in the a commentary of the Bible. Amongst other verses two verses in Isaiah jumped out at me...

"I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness. As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." Isaiah 61:10.

"And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you." Isaiah 62:5.

Before a wedding it is all about preparation. And the day of, time is spent to prepare oneself personally. The woman has a beautiful gown. Her hair is just so. She wants to look more beautiful than she ever has for her groom. The same is for the groom. He wants to look desirable for his bride. I somewhat feel sorry for grooms as so much hype seems to go toward the bride. However at the end of the day, the beautiful bride leaves with the groom. She is his bride. He waits at the end of the aisle for his bride to be ready. She walks down the aisle to him. They are for each other.

What beautiful imagery it is! And a powerful representation of Christ and His church. The church is referred to as the bride of Christ, dressed in pure white in Revelation 12. Jesus wants to come take His bride home.

"In my Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." John 14:2-3.

Just like a groom preparing for His bride to come home with him, so is Christ. He wants to receive us to Him. 1 Thessalonians 4 describes Jesus coming in the clouds for His people. We will be caught up to Him in the clouds where He will be waiting for us.. "And thus we shall always be with the Lord." ( 1 Thess. 4:17) Isn't that the whole point of a wedding? To be with each other. I just want my home to be with Charlie. I don't want to be parted from him.

And it is the same with Jesus. He wants to be with His bride. He wants to rejoice over us! And He is coming for His bride! Are we ready? Are we preparing? Am I just as serious about Christ as I am about being ready for June 5th? Jesus is coming. Look around us! The world is going crazy and He said it would before He came. (Matthew 24) Our hope and security must come from Him and the hope in His coming. Just as a bride's desire is to be with her husband so we must have our highest desire to be with Jesus so we can be ready for when He comes.

Of Moles and Freckles

This past week I went to the dermatologist to have some moles looked at. This was a unique experience for several reasons. But what stands out is that I learned something and that always makes me excited! I learned that my freckles are not freckles at all. What I thought were freckles are actually moles. All the dots I have on my face, my arms etc are moles! In some ways that seems gross because my perception of moles has been somewhat negative. Maybe everyone knows this and I am just behind the times.

Now until this last Monday I have referred to the dots on my arms and face as freckles. Someone could say I have been lying to people! I have been misrepresenting the truth. But I don't think anyone would condemn me because I simply didn't know.

Acts 17:30 say that in "the times of this ignorance, God winks."I am not condemned for my misrepresenting moles.

However if I were to continue to tell people I have freckles, that would be wrong! I would be deceiving people as to the true nature of moles and freckles.

This is a rather trivial example but it holds true in the more serious aspects of our lives. We are not condemned for our sins that we do in our ignorance. God is just and fair. However when God's will is made clear to us, He expects us to act and choose His truth. It's like a child who suddenly learns that certain words should not be spoken. The first time the child simply does not know the meaning. But for a child who knows better, he will be held accountable for what he says and his parents will discipline him if he disobeys.

Jesus says in John 12: 35, "Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you; he who walks in darkness does not know where he is going."

God reveals truth to us and just like it would be silly for me to disregard what I have learned about my skin, it is foolish for us to disregard what God reveals to us in His word. Let us be wise in the small things in this life as well as that which relates to eternity.

I'm Getting Married!

June 5, 2011

Ode to Muffin

O little fat cat of brown and white,

How I wish you brought me some delight!

If you would stop sitting in the corner to stare

And not hiss at my attempted pat with a glare!

Your name is Muffin, which should mean something sweet,

But having you, it seems to me, is far from a treat.

Muffin, you were a cute kitten indeed,

But something happened, did we not fulfill a need?

We fed, pet, and played with you till you would fall asleep,

But you soured as you grew up, and away from us you started to creep.

You don't seem to care as long as your food bowl is filled.

We're not your servants Muffin, you need to chill!

Muffin, I honestly wish we could be friends.

I wish this gap, we would reach across and mend.

You are a pretty cat and could be nice to hold and love.

Please stop being mean and be like your Creator above.

Stressful Changes

Life is stressful...can I get an "Amen"? The more aware of life that I get, I have come to that solid conclusion: Life is Stressful! It seems to me that at the foundation of this stressful life is one specific thing: change. (Now there may be other things we could point at but for the sake of this little writing, I am looking at change.) Now change is not always negative; it can certainly be for happy occasions: the birth of a baby, a wedding, a new and better job, a new car etc. But I do believe that everyone would agree that all those wonderful occasions bring stress. That new baby will cry an awful lot, a wedding takes a lot of hassle and planning, a new job has to be learned and that new car took a chunk from your savings account. We are also all familiar with negative changes: the death of a loved one, a divorce, being laid off, car accidents etc. Death often brings incredible loss, divorce brings heart break, there is desperation without a job and a car accident, even with minimal damage will undoubtedly cause great pains with insurance agencies. Change= stress. Outside of circumstances people often change. Children grow in each stage to face different issues that often drive their parents wild. Graduation to a new school brings excitement and fear. The lists can go on and on of the stress of all our particular stages and challenges of life no matter how exhilarating or upsetting.

Now, as a Christian I wish to pause now after having painted this picture of general despair. For after all, no matter what happens in life it seems that we are bound to be stressed, right? I wish to ask, who never changes? Of course we know the answer to that! "For I am the Lord, I do not change," Malachi 3:6 makes it very clear. But I want to ask, why is it that we have such dramatically differently attitudes toward God so often. One week we are praising Him! The next week we are sobbing, "God, how can you do this to me?" Is this because God changes His attitude toward us? Of course not. "I have loved you with an everlasting love..." God says to us (Jer. 31:3). We can know God's character and that is of love and goodwill. He does not change. If He does not change, then it must be us changing our attitude toward God. Do we really trust Him, His word to us and His love for us? O, how we need to trust God and turn to Him when we are in those negative changes. Who does not wish sympathy and love when they are stressed out? Who better to receive that from than the infinite loving Creator who knows us better than anyone else?

These thoughts have come to me as I have reflected on this past year. So much has changed in the past year and it seems that it shall be the same for 2011. It is stressful! I could choose to be distressed, worried and upset when I realize how unsettled I am. Or I can trust in my God who is my Rock and know He will see me through. That is my wish for you as well.

"On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand."

"Change and decay in all around I see; O Thou who changest not, abide with me."

Tiny as a Pin Hole

Recently as I was driving I had to slam on my breaks. I was making a left-hand turn and was awaiting a car to pass before I made my move. What I did not notice was the car speeding up behind the car I was watching. As the first car went through the intersection I was already turning, then spying the other car, I slammed on my breaks to avoid hitting it. With a swerve from him and jerking stop from me, we avoided collision. After that alarming moment I shakily continued and quickly noticed that my breaks were not what they used to be. I had to put my foot to the floor to stop. Now I am not a car buff and so it is very possible that my breaks had been going for some time, but with that slamming stop they were completely gone. With the help of my friend Ben who is a car buff, we were able to determine the problem. I had a leak in my break fluid line over my right rear tire and thus I had no pressure in my breaks. I asked him how big the leak was, "oh, probably the size of a pin hole." A pin hole! My whole car could have come to a crashing stop over a pin hole! The whole vehicle was rendered not functional because of a tiny, tiny hole. I could have crashed in to a car and disaster could have ensued all because of a leak the size of a pin hole!

Isn't that ironic? A tiny, tiny weakness in a car disables the entire thing. What a great spiritual analogy that is! In our lives we can be all set but if there is one specific sin that we refuse to surrender or deal with, it can corrupt our whole being. Just as if a physical part of our bodies is damaged or not working right and that hinders our whole body, so it is with our spiritual lives. If we want to be complete in Jesus, we need to be completely His.

James 4:7-8 says, "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you...." We must continually resist anything that comes between us and God. As we walk step by step in our Christian journeys closer to God, we will surely become entirely His.