Hope

I realized today how incredibly grateful I am for the hope we have in Christ. Today I went to my great uncle's funeral. He had cancer but was expected to live for awhile longer. Evidentally last Sabbath he had a heart attack and died later that day. I honestly have to say that I didn't know the man, had only seen him acouple times. But he is my grandmother's brother. She has 4 siblings and he was the first to go. It is very remarkable to get to the age of 85 and have all your siblings alive to this point. I hadn't been to a funeral in years. And I hadn't been to a viewing since I was probably 5 years old. I have been very sheltered from death. To this day I have yet to lose anyone close to me, even a pet. My cats are 14 years old. Our dog died last year but I wasn't too attatched to him and didn't see him when he died. I am very grateful that I haven't felt the pain of such a lose. Today I saw those who were experiencing that lose.
Last night we went to the viewing and to be honest I was wary of seeing my great uncle- Judson. It seems weird but when I did see him, it almost didn't seem real, until I saw a little boy touch his hand. It never occurred for me to touch him. It seemed that as long as I didn't, there was a wall up in my mind. It is a bit hard to explain. After I saw that boy touch him I wanted to as well, to make it more real to me. But I couldn't, I wouldn't.
Today was the funeral. Judson's son sat in the front corner and cried much of the time. There is something that happens to me when I see people cry, especially men. It is so sad to me. My great aunt from California came in last night and so the funeral was the first time she was seeing her brother. I saw her come in and she made a bee-line for the casket. There was something in the manner that she went forward and then stopped at his side that just gripped my heart. I know they were close. I have only one sibling so I don't know the experience of several brothers or sisters but just the thought of coming to see my brother who has died, not having seen him in months...tears me up inside. I cannot comprehend. It was possibly one of the saddest moments I have ever seen: Her rushing to, then standing at his side. My grandfather was teared up during the service. My grandmother wasn't though. I have never seen my grandmother cry. I think it would frighten me.
Funerals are awful. The epitome of the curse on this earth, a seperation that the rest of the universe cannot understand. When the casket goes into that hole in the ground.......no more will anyone see that person. I am young....so perhaps perspectives change as time passes. But death is not something I expect at this point in life, it is not natural. I can see how one with no hope would go from a funeral service with the thoughts "what is the point in life? Everyone will just die."
But praise the Lord! There is hope for the taking. "There will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain." In the past year death seems to be creeping up on me: first a church member this past spring and now a distant family member. Hopefully these premonitions will not continue. But, forbit it if they do, there is a Savior. There is hope eternal. Seperation and endings are things which I don't like. I get broken up over silly things: I recall when I was around 8 years old my grandparents took my brother and I to the circus. We got there early in the morning to see all the trucks roll in and we stayed all day watching the huge tent go up, the animals let out and in the evening we attended. At the end of the day I was so distraught over it ending...I had been part of it and now it was over. That was over the circus....what about lives ending which I have been connected to? I cannot imagine. Someday I will have to face this. But I pray and trust that I will never have to face such things alone. Jesus experienced seperation which we can never fathom no matter how much pain we have to face. He is our comfort, our protection, and Savior.
"We have this hope which burns within our hearts...hope in the coming of the Lord" Oh what His returning will mean.....come Lord Jesus.