$2000 Disappointment

January 17th was my birthday. While I was working in the afternoon I talked with my parents who were very concerned about mail from my grandmother. They said she had accidentally sent it to the PO box for Thatcher South instead of my PO box set up for my Southern Village apartment. I assured my parents that the RA would surely bring me the mail in the evening but my parents persisted that I go to Thatcher South after work and see if I could find my grandmother's mail. Their persistence made me wonder, "What in the world is my grandmother sending me?" They were very mysterious and thus I got excited. As soon as I got off work I went bounding expectantly down to Thatcher South. In a short while I was handed a plain looking card. "Hmm, maybe she just sent me money." Well, money is always good. I sat down and ripped it open. There I found a check for $2000 and a note saying that it was my birthday present, to be put on my bill. Disappointment stung my heart. Disappointment? Why in the world should I be disappointed? Well.... my parents graciously take responsibility for my bill. Of course I was very thankful but the present seemed more for my parents than for me. As soon as these thoughts passed through my mind I started getting angry with myself. "Hello! Lorrie! Wake up! This is a huge sacrifice for them! Be Grateful!" I wrestled with these thoughts as I walked from the dorm and headed toward Spalding and yonder to Southern Village. I stopped on the sidewalk to wait for a car and happened to look back toward the dorm. There was a group of people carrying boxes from the back of a van. "I should help them," I thought to myself. I stood there and noticed that they were nearly done. I had walked right by in my preoccupied, selfish thinking when I could have been helpful. "I am so stupid." A song went through my head at precisely that moment, "We are His hands to touch the world around us..." My conscience was in overdrive and I felt terrible. Here my grandmother was being Jesus' hands. And I was being selfish and lost a chance to do the same. I walked home in a rather despondent state. I opened the door and found a bouquet of flowers my brother had sent me. I wanted to cry. I was surrounded with such love. And I didn't deserve it.

Christ calls us to be selfless. We need to think of others before ourselves. You may say that my thoughts and feelings were only natural. After all, we are only humans: naturally selfish aka sinful. That is a problem, not an excuse. We claim to be Christians and as such we have surrendered our hearts to Christ. "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus," is our commission, (Philipians 2:5 NASB). We need to stop making excuses for ourselves. We need to see our hearts for what they really are: undeserving of anything good, let alone Jesus' love. We need to truly repent.

I need to write a "Thank you" note.